Van Halen

 Oakland Arena Review...
Oakland, California

By: Fallen Angel

 

 

OK, so I had been on the fence about buying tickets for this very much anticipated reunion tour until the absolute last minute. Then I panicked!!! I remember paying 15 bux for monsters of rock and shit, and nosebleed seats for this show were nearly 100 bux after all the damn fees and surcharges they pack on. Day of the show I found 2 tix under cost. Still outrageous but we got 2 tix for what some of my friends paid for 1.

We drove over to the arena. Parking was 20 FUCKING DOLLARS!!! TO PARK! Can you fucking believe that shit? We got there, hung out with our friends while Kumonawannalaiyou Marley (Bob's 47th illegitimate child) played the opening set. Everyone kept looking at their watches to make sure we were in our seats when the band went on. Excitement built... (Ooh this is gunna be so cooooooool dude!)

Eric and I got to our seats to find they were all the way in the very back row of the place. Uggh. Not only were we in the VERY BACK ROW, our vision was completely blocked by some fucking big ass thing hanging from the ceiling that looked like a spotlight cage. Sound was muddy. We were bummed... After the first song, we quickly scammed our way to the front row of nosebleed, in the handicapped section. The sound was much better there, and we could actually see.

Here's my thoughts on the show that I had heard from so many folks was totally stupendous.

1. Sounded pretty good, wish I had kept my eyes closed.

2. David Lee Roth + Hairpiece + Codpiece (or was that a cucumber?) + Grand master of the gay parade costumes = Liberace meets Spinal Tap

3. Eddie Van Halen's kid on bass... Cool idea but boy is he a pudgy little no personality having fuck. Kinda like Pugsley Addams with an Eddie Van Halen 80's hairdo.

4. Started out pretty exciting but after a song or two Eric and I both realized how totally contrived it was. The smiles were oh so fake, nearly as fake as Dave's hairpiece.

5.Eddie Van Halen is a pretty damn good rock guitar player. For a guy with fake hips he looks pretty fucking good and sounds, well, like Van Fucking Halen! This was the best thing about the show. Eddie.

6. This is truly the difference between ROCK and HEAVY METAL. We left the show going eh, that was ok. We left Heaven and Hell going THAT FUCKING ROCKED LETS FLY TO L.A. TO SEE IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

7. Last and most important to me, back to the part in 4 about it being CONTRIVED... I DID NOT FEEL IT! When I go to a show, I want to feel the fucking ROCK being emanated by the fuckers who LOVE to play it. Sure, they can play the old shit and make it sound pretty fucking good but did anyone truly really honest to god FEEL it? NO. Because they hate each other and were just going through the motions. After this tour, they return to their separate homes after traveling separately and only dealing with each other for sound check and the show itself. And when they get home they get to sit back and count their fucking piles of money stupid fuckers like ME and YOU paid to go see the "REUNION" show we had all waited for over 20 years praying to see.

Wah wah wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...