RANT & RAVE
WITH JAYNE
COUNTY
Hey, kids!!! What time is it??? It's
time for *RANT AND RAVE WITH JAYNE COUNTY!!!* Yes, it is I and do I
have my BITCH heels on this time!!! If this was a JUDGE JAYNE
column, EVERYBODY would be going to JAIL!!! Lockum all fucking up and
throw away the key!!!! Jailed at last, good God A Mighty, jailed at
last!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, first of all, I want to get this sticky Miss
Mean Gene Simmons crap outta the way at random! I am soooooooooooooooo
bored with it all and tired of dealing with the freak outs, flip outs
and wig outs!!! And speaking of wig outs, Mean Gene says that he only
wanted to use my name, The Electric Chairs as a one off for the show.
But how can that be when they will go in to re runs and then to
DVD!!??!! But anyway, it ain't gonna hurt Miss County here! If Miss Mean
Gene wants to forever link his son's name with a TRANSEXUAL Glam/Punk
Pioneer, it's ok by me honey!!! I have heard that sweet little, oh shit
I forgot his name already, what is it?? Mean Gene's son's name? I
forget! Well, the rumour is that he is Gay. Now I don't know for sure, I
mean I haven't sucked his cock or done a Myra B. up his ass with a two
prodded dildo, but that is the word on the street! And I have heard from
good sources that poor Gene had a really hard time about it. Didn't
accept him at all. But now I hear he has loosened up and gotten a bit
more open about it!!!!!!!!!! Hail Isis!!! Miracles do happen!!! But
really dear,
 you
would think that a man who struts around the stage dressed in rubber and
leather, would be A LOT more liberal!!! I mean Miss Mean Gene isn't
exactly a stunning, handsome, young stud! He is now an older, more well
rounded, fully packed collection of bones and blubber, so he should come
out and be more open to different sexual experiences!!! I have a
transexual friend who says that Gene tried to pick her up at a party AND
that he knew that she was a tranny!!! So there you go!!! I mean,
trannies give the best blow jobs and I feel Miss Mean Gene is in dire
need of a GOOD BLOWJOB!!! In fact, I read somewhere where that was the
original name they wanted for the band anyway!!! Now here they are,
ladies and gentlemen! Get ready to hear BLOWJOB perform their big hits,
*Shoot My Wad For The Fifty Seventh Time*, *Float My Boat Down Your Anal
Canal*, and *My Dad's Cock Is Bigger Than Your Dad's Cock!* and their
number one hit single, *My Balls Are On Top Of My Head!* Back in the
olden times of the early 70's KISS opened up for ME at a loft party in
NYC! There were NO PLACES to play in NYC except Max's Kansas City, and
they failed the audition there! But when Kiss came out, I DEFENDED them
when everyone else in New York HATED them! I was at that time a writer
for ROCK SCENE magazine. I had my own column called Dear Jayne. Tips and
Advice For You! I was constantly having to defend the band as everyone
thought they were some kind of joke. And the band THE FAST had been
wearing the same style of make up for a whole solid year. Then all of a
sudden here are Kiss in the Fast's make up!!! The Fast freaked out!!!
The make up was almost IDENTICAL!!! If you looked at an early photo of
the FAST, you would swear that it was KISS!!! Needless to say, the Fast
dropped the make up ,because people thought they were copying
Kiss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, anyway, as you all know Kiss went on
to be a huge band. They had a lot of really great songs too, my fave
being *Strutter.* At any rate, I feel that Gene was trying to get at me
cause I mention him in the song, *Rock and Roll RepubliKKKan.* I was out
in LA a few months back and had a fantastic time in the recording studio
with Ginger Coyote, Cherry Vanilla, Constance Cooper, Robert Star, and
the fantabulous, Andy Warhol Superstar, and star of *Trash*, Ms. Holly
Woodlawn. We did a truly historical recording that I feel will go down
in both Rock and Roll and Gay/Trans history. Anyway the song points out
that there are some artists in Rock and Roll that have right wing,
republiKKKan views, and I feel that this should be known to the general
public.
Especially since a lot, if not most of the fans of these artists are
either, progressive, liberals, or GLBT!!! They strut around on
stage in *freaky* costumes and play the total freak, but they actually
are very straight, conservative and bigoted against *real* freaks, or
people who are either Gay or Trans, or are of another race or gender!!
That just does not seem right to me and I know that I am not the only
one around these days that feels that way! I mean how upsetting is
it to find out that some of your heroes, who you thought were really
freaky characters, are just PAT BOONES IN COSTUMES!!! So I think that
someone must have played the song to Mean Gene and he got upset and
decided to get me back by trying to steal my name The Electric Chairs! I
know I sent the free download to some people who are in Gene's circle of
friends. They probably GLEEFULLY played it to him!! But anyway, all it
did was get me all this fabulous publicity! And all over the entire
world'! And fans came from all directions. And the complaints and calls
to the show must have really shocked the producers and people involved
in the show. Anyway as I have said, I AM NOW BORED WITH THE ENTIRE
SORDID AFFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What's his son's name???? I can't
fucking get it! Neal Simmons???
Miss Pete Burns
So on to other subjects!
Well, I know I am a chronic complainer, but at least I have learned
how to make it funny and entertaining to others!!! So I must say
something about the horrible things that plastic surgery disaster,
Miss Pete Burns said about me in that crappy book of hers! Miss, I'm
not a woman, Burns, thought she was being clever but it came out
really nasty and totally DISRESPECTFUL toward me. She not only
insulted me because of my age, (Ageist.) she insulted me as a
Transgender person as well. Which leads me to believe that Miss Burns
is one of the most TRANSPHOBIC excuses for a human being I know!
And I refer to Miss Burns with female terms cause she is so uptight
about people thinking that maybe she is really a Transexual and just
cannot accept it! She wants to look like a woman but gets upset if
people refer to
her as a *she* or as a drag queen or a trannie!!! This seems to me to
stem from some deeply rooted insecurities concerning Miss Burn's
sexuality and an almost psychotic, guilt trip instilled into her
mentally deranged brain, by her parents. Miss Burns referred to me in
her book as *he* and she knows good and well that it is correct to
refer to male to female transgenders as *she!!!* This convinces me
that this obnoxious, disrespectful, nelly queen is only jealous of my
COURAGE!!! You see, Miss Burns is a COWARD! She is
not MAN ENOUGH TO BE A WOMAN, just man enough to be a tacky, 80's
Disco Dickhead with a bad attitude problem! And she is NO
PUNK!!! Miss Burns also, and you ain't gonna believe this, dissed me
even more by calling me an *elderly bald man!!!* Now that is just
plain sick! She falsely claims that she showed up at my dressing room,
when I was playing Eric's in Liverpool , back in the 70's and, went
back in my dressing room and saw an elderly balding man! That is how
she described me! Isn't that just tacky and disgusting?? And I have
been extremely nice to Miss Burns all these years, and even thought
that we had quite a good
friendship! Well it goes to show you that you can't trust anyone much
less a reject from a bad *80's* LIPSYNCH band! And you know, ALL those
shows she did were on tape and NOT PLAYED LIVE! I guess she is just a
PHONEY all way around!
Disrespecting me because
of my age and gender is as low as anyone can go. And I was only TWENTY
FIVE years old, when I met this fucking evil bitch, so she is just
trying to be mean to me ON PURPOSE, out of jealousy and some mentally
retarded rage she feels toward me and ALL Transgender people! You can
read it for yourself in her book. Only don't waste your money on this
piece of cheap exploitation of her embarrassing appearance on the
British *Big Brother* show. Go to a book store, pick up the book, read
for yourself the bitchy and evil things she said about me, then blow
your snot on the book and put it back!!! Or even better, pick up some
dog shit off the street, and wrap it in some aluminum foil, then smear
it all over the pages, cause that is exactly what the book is. A PIECE
OF DOG SHIT!!! Oh and by the way the book is called *Freak Unigue*. I
guess that's the title she came up with to explain the cowardness and
contempt she has toward *real* Transgender people! FUCK
YOU MISS BURNS!!!
JAYNE GETS POLITICAL
AND now for some
politics!!! LOOK OUT!!! HERE SHE COMES!!! JAYNE COUNTY FOR EMPRESS
OF THE GALAXY!!! MOVE OVER ZSA ZSA GABORE!!! Well, shit, where
shall I start??? So MANY politicians to choose from! So many
ASSHOLES that have fucked up the world!!! Hey, is Armageddon here
yet??? You
*Masters Of War* with the blood of zillions of humans on your hands
and tongue!!! Maybe some UNSEEN POWER from beyond our Galaxie
should COME ON DOWN, and blast the motherfuckers to smithereens!!!
The Dinosaurs, The Humans The Unknown Powers!!! I*m fucking ready!
Love to see the look on all the
politicians faces when a FORCE of UNKNOWN origin, that has more
power and fire to blast all these puny human weapons to UN- Planet
Pluto, INVADES the Earth and whoops their selfish, money grubbing
asses!!! Oh dear! You mean all the rich CEOs of all the big mega
companies may lose their power to stomp,
spit and shit all over the poor people of this polluted, raped and
plundered world that we call EARTH!!!??? Oh, hand me a piece of
Bounty, I am about to cry me a river!!!
BOO FUCKING HOO!!!! Now
they won*t have any Limo to drive around in at all , as opposed to
the one dozen or more that they have now. And don*t forget all those
damn Helicopters! Yes, the ones that shoot all that poison gas all
over our fastly diminishing GREEN world!! Or anymore power to buy up
all the companies on the planet, so they can fucking RUN EVERY
ASPECT OF OUR LIVES!!! Including who we sleep with or WHAT we do in
bed, in the bushes, on the kitchen table (Set with Kellogg's Frosted
Flakes!) or in the bathroom of a Delta jet, flying at 5000 feet up
in the air!!! Talk about FLY ME TO THE MOON!!! Oh, so that*s what
that song is about! It all makes sense now. Fucking 5000 feet up in
the air in the bathroom of a Delta jet!!! Oh Frankie boy, you send
me!!!
Well, I for one, would love to see the power taken outta the grubby
little hands of all these sleaze balls! You know the ones??? The
ones who are paying PAYOLA, to these Evil Empire RepubliKKKans, so
they won*t make laws that protect our planet or protect our animal
life from being slaughtered by a bunch of retarded gun happy
morons! Hey we even have their SUPPORTERS right here in River City
AmeriKa! Some of them are even ROCK AND ROLL ARTISTS!!!! Alot of
them are even HOMO and TRANS- PHOBIC guitar players with hair down
to their wastes. Some of them used to be *Hippies* back when it was
all the thing to do, and the mega record companies realized that
they could commercialize the Hippy Movement and make millions of
dollars! Then as time went on, they became right wing FASCIST
PIGS!!! I guess too much LSD actually makes you more PARANOID to
the point of becoming more narrow minded instead of becoming more
liberal, open minded and open to change! Shooting and killing
animals just to stand there over them with a HARD ON, watching them
die slowly as the blood oozes outta their lifeless bodies! Wow,
what a turn on! I guess after all that speed it takes blood and
death to get your cock hard!!!
Anyway, back to the
main point! What was it??? Oh well, who fucking cares, I think I
made alot of good points! After all, this column is called RANT AND
RAVE with Jayne County!!! Anyway, politics is like anything else,
too much and you start to dis connect. Especially if you are a
creative type of person. We all need some relief from the stress of
the world every once in awhile. I hope I at least have given you
some laughter during my rants against the POWERS THAT BE! And being
the old, Yippie revolutionary/GLAM/PUNK/ANARCHIST that I am, I can*t
resist a chance to at least try to BLAST DOWN the walls of
Jericho!!! Maybe at least, kick out a few of the bricks in this WALL
of FASCISM that *they* call *society!* I was going to say that it*s
all *For the birds.) but even the birds try to stay high up in the
air and the tips of the trees, and only coming down to the ground to
kill a few worms and insects, for food. And they do it for food.
They don*t swoop down to kill something just for some sick, twisted
sport!!! So who knows! Maybe something from somewhere will swoop
down on us humans and do the same!! COME ON
DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, to sum this
column up for now, I want to say thank you to all my friends and
fans who defended me during the Miss Mean Gene fiasco! I deeply
appreciate it! But as I have said before, I must look to the future
and tip toe lightly, (NO, make that, STOMP HEAVILY) thru the
bullshit that surrounds us all! Hey, I ain*t afraid to point out
hypocrisy when I see it!! It usually gets me in a heap of trouble,
but as most of you know, I AM A FIGHTER. But I only fire when I am
fired upon FIRST!!! I have an extremely strong self defense
mechanism, I presume stemming from the fact that I am a mixture of
Scotch/Irish/Cherokee descent! Stir that up a bit with the fact
that I consider myself a TRANSGENDER WARRIOR, and a few more things,
like I was a flaming street queen for years, and I fought in the
STONEWALL riots, then you have it! Then put in a pinch of *crazy as
a loon and don*t give a shit,* and *southern, liberal, eccentric,
*Let your FREAK FLAG FLY*, Yippie/Beatnik/Glam/Punk/Redneck Hell
Raiser, and that pretty much sums up my personality!!! Oh, and as
Jackie Gleason would say, *I HAVE A BIG MOUTH!!!* So now I must
flee back into the wilderness to recoup and gather new energy and
courage in order to continue to KEEP UP THE GOOD FIGHT!!! And I am
not just fighting for ME my dear friends, I am also fighting for
YOU!!! Much LOVE and I now must say, until next time, GOODBYE
FRIENDS!!! xxx
Jayne County
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