July 2017


Bad Hints
From Hammer
(And a Little Goodbye For Chris Cornell)
Article By: Janet E. Hammer

If anyone noticed my absence for a bit, I'm touched. If you didn't, too bad I'm back. I will claim mental illness, kidnapping, crime, babysitting and more as my excuse. The truth is, all of the above but mostly I had some issue's and they have been dealt with. Putting things off can result as a mountain of crap looming tediously over your head. It will then become the problem you will spend two to three months or more of your time cleaning up. Enough proselytizing, everyone has problems and their own means of creating solutions...or not. I hope spring has sprung and you are prepared for the sweltering heat of summer. I take a vow at the beginning of summer here in Texas which is no pants. I don't mean no underwear (I have a really good reason for not going commando lady style but the people involved are still alive) just no jeans, no shorts nothing with legs. I get girly during the summer because it just makes more sense than to give yourself a heat stroke for fashion sake. I don't like festivals, being packed in asshole to elbow in a dusty field somewhere to see one or two bands I like is not worth the dehydration. I used to have not problem asking for passes, I just don't like to do that anymore because most festivals only allow one extra pass per band member. Everyone has wives, children, cousins, old band members or whatever. If I can't afford to buy a ticket these days I usually just don't go. I know, "cry me a river" I'm not complaining, I just really hate crowds. It's my outdoor form of trying really hard not to leave my house agoraphobia. Blah, blah, blah I know get with the question and answer shit. Okay, I will. Please remember that I am not a professional of either Psychiatry or Psychology and I don't think you should actually listen to me, but do so if you must. I don't have your best interest at heart.

Dear Hammer,

I think that I may have a problem. It involves my overuse of online porn. It's out there just waiting for a bored married person such as myself to find. When I cleaned out the cache on my laptop I was disgusted with myself. I think I need to find a new hobby.

Sticky in Scottsdale

Hello Sticky,

First things first, if you are sticky please take a shower. I would hate for you end up stuck to something. Online porn is one of those things I have no big problem with, jobs being what they are at this moment in time I have no problem with how people make their living. I have friends who are involved with the Adult Entertainment business, they are normal, nice folks. I am not sure how much your spouse appreciates it. Therein is the only real problem I see. If you are too busy satisfying yourself, do you have enough stamina to satisfy the other person in your life. Maybe you should check and see if they want to either watch it with you or, if they are maybe waiting around to see if you notice them. I'm not real sure how your marriage works but me and my husband have both taken a peek at online porn before. I have even watched with my significant other and then entered into a mutually enjoyable bout of coitus. If porn is your hobby maybe it's time for you to explore different sexual avenues with your other half. If a hobby that makes you sticky leaves your other half dry then it's not so much bad as unfair. Try going for a bit without looking at it at all and see if maybe your actual sex life picks up. I am starting to feel way too much like Dr Ruth so I will leave you with that suggestion. I also advise that you invest in some wet wipes or some hand sanitizer.

Best of luck! (or fuck)

Ms. Hammer,

My band is getting ready to go on a tour of Europe. I am wondering if it best to just go with the clothes on your back and then purchase as you go along, or pack for two weeks. I'm not really good at planning ahead.

Headed to Europe

Dear Headed,

What am I, your mother? Seriously, call your mother.


In Memory Of:

Today 5/18/2017 a musician died, Chris Cornell. This was unexpected and extremely upsetting to his family, his friends and his fans. When you hear about death it is upsetting on so many levels, when you find out it was by their own hand it becomes devastating. I lived in Seattle for many years and Soundgarden is an institution. The Space Needle went black tonight in honor of a singer whose voice was recognizable the minute you heard it. As we get older death is something we have to face more and more frequently. It will never become any easier. I just want to say, love those who are dear to you every day. Be there to support them through anything. These people are your family, and will be there for you. To the family and friends of Chris Cornell, we at Punk Globe send our condolences and love.