"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> ASK MADAME KYMARA and MILO ROCK
Dear Madame Kymara and Milo Rock,
I have been dating a bass player for several years. He won't leave his girlfriend or his wife for me. What should I do?
~Vexed in Venice
Dear Vexed,
Are you daft? Have you no sense? Is it the man you love or is it merely his hands? As my dear Aunt Jayne once said, "Musicians are a dime a dozen" Madame says to follow her wily ways developed after years of sleeping with cheating bassists and not the feelings of your heart!...Turn the turnstile and find yourself a few more of them. Keep this slug on the side...bass players have many fabulous styles. Milo Rock declines comment.
Love, Madame Kymara
Dear Madame Kymara and Milo Rock,
Will my going to school for animation pay off? Or should I just go back to my Manga and Graphic novel art?
~Artistic and Curious
Dear Curious,
Madame Kymara and Milo Rock wonder why not do both? Blend the old with the new. Young Madame Kymara once fell in love with another man while in a serious relationship. Out of desperation confessions were made and a meeting was set up between the three of us. the old flame happily obliged, thus blending the old with the new. A delightful experience as well as a true career builder. Perhaps Ms. Curious, if you approach your career in this fashion you too will develop some new techniques.
Love, Madame Kymara and Milo Rock
Dear Madame Kymara,
Can you get sick from oral/anal sex?
~upside down
Dear UP Side,
We wonder if this is a practice you engage in during the course of a random midnight rendezvous. By the tone of your letter, it appears you are the type. Since the cleanliness of strangers is not something Madame and Milo take for granted, we advise you to ass ume that there could be all kinds of nasty little germs crawling about and to use protection and/ or discretion. As our favorite bard wrote "The better part of valor is discretion" Also..a little mouth wash could help.
Love, Madame Kymara and Milo Rock
Dear Madame Kymara,
I was wondering: what's the most extreme piece of art you've come across and why did you find it extreme?
Dear Exhibitionist,
Madame Kymara and Milo Rock concur that the most extreme pieces of art we have yet seen are tied. The first, "Candy Darling on a Penis Cross" by the infamous Jayne County. A bold statement recreated to reproduce the stolen original. The second, a delightful piece created by the Brazilian born sculptor, Fernando Carpaneda titled, " Self Sucking" a marvelous celebration of human sexuality that leaves us envious and wondering how how the subject could sustain such a thrilling feat.
Love, Madame Kymara and Milo Rock
Dear Madame Kymara,
All I wanna do is get laid and every time I sleep with a chick all she wants to do is get married. help!
~Ready but not Ready
Dear Ready,
We wonder, are you swimming in the wrong pond? Perhaps it is time to lower your standards and go for the fur lined glove. That is to say, turn a blind eye to your lofty visual criteria and move on to a different swamp for your wick dipping until you are ready for something serious. Otherwise, we suggest taking matters in hand....
Love, Madame Kymara and Milo Rock
Dear Madame Kymara,
I am the lead singer in a Black Sabbath tribute band out of Jersey. Every time we have a gig, I can't get started because of the chicks. I know they all want me and I don't know which one to pick.
Dear Boggled, We suggest rolling the dice. Assign this bevy of beauties numbers then assign a neutral party to draw one from your spandex pants before the show. No muss, no fuss and you are guaranteed an audience if you are well endowed. Be careful of the fake nails vs: crotch hair.
Love, Madame Kymara and Milo Rock
Madame Kymara and Milo Rock's Holiday Traveling advice.... While in the airport and going through security, if you are pulled aside for one of those nasty groping sessions by the TSA...we offer a few suggestions...

1). If you are a woman, place a fake penis in your pants. The type that is solid plastic.

2). Act as though you thoroughly enjoy being felt up, ask to be strip searched. Moan while experiencing.

3). Ask for a cigarette after they finish, perhaps some mood music.."Jayne County's 'Fuck off'

4). Request different colors of gloves to enhance skin tone.

5). Tell TSA official you cannot submit to pat down without extra lube, but you are allergic. and it has to be less than 3.4 oz.

6). Look them in the eyes and tell them you are instantly in love and want to slow dance.

7). Tell them you have a pessary in place and they must remove it first.

8). Wear a Depends Undergarment and tell them you have just "had an accident"

9). Hump them

10). Tell them its ok, then scream "Rape!" as soon as they touch your package File for a lawsuit!
Madame Kymara and Milo Rock invite you to submit your questions about Sex! Art! Music! to us via Kymara@Kymara.com Madame Kymara is an actual RN (no shit!) with extensive experience in Psychiatry and Emergency Medicine . Milo Rock is a down and dirty road worn musician, drug and alcohol counselor and artist who has been dragged into this by Madame Kymara. Yes, we argue about each response, so bring it on!

All names are kept confidential. Kymara@kymara.com