"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> ASK MADAME KYMARA AND MILO
Dear Madame Kymara and Milo Rock,

I am an artist and I have been trying to sell my paintings. No matter how many shows I get for myself, nothing sells. I am getting really discouraged because I see other people's work selling and not mine. I have tried to work with several agents in the past three months, but it's not working out. What should I do?

~Amber Red
Dear Amber,

Since you have not sent us an image of your art, we cannot say if your technique is the problem. You say you arrange shows for yourself. You also say that you have "worked with several agents over the past three months" To us, this means that you are not working with a representative consistently. It is important to get yourself an agent or gallery and stop monkeying around with your time and the time of everyone else.

An agent will be able to help you figure out what is selling and how to adjust your work to the current buying trends. Since an artist's job is to create art, an agent does the tedious work for you while you concentrate on your creative process. Their job is helping to create an image, press releases and monitoring that your art or designs are not being used illicitly. They also arrange shows that suit your style so that your work has a chance to sell. A gallery or agent will help to archive your work, and will be certain that the art is insured when it is at a show and in transit. We wonder how any artist could still create and handle the constant phone calls and emails.

One of the worst things in our opinion that an artist can do is to not work exclusively with one agent when they are trying to become established and taken seriously as an artist. It becomes very difficult to set a consistent gallery price record as there is no one person monitoring sales prices. One person may sell a piece for $1,000.00 to a collector and another may sell a similar piece for $100.00. The gallery sales prices will never be established in this way and it is also considered déclassé.

Agent hopping is also very uncool. You will not gain any respect in the business world by trying to play several different agents at the same time and very few would take on a client who does this. Representing an artist takes a lot of time and energy from a business perspective as you are finding out. Very few artists can be the creative souls that they are and handle the business end of things successfully. Many artists try to save money by eliminating the agent or gallery commission. The bottom line is, you get what you pay for.

Love, Madame Kymara and Milo Rock
Dear Madame Kymara and Milo Rock,

What is the fastest way to a man's heart?

~ In love and ignored
Dear In,


Love, Madame Kymara and Milo Rock
Dear Madame Kymara and Milo Rock,

I am thinking of using Botox on my face but I am afraid that it will cause something bad to happen to me. Have either of you ever used it?

~Thirty and fignting it
Dear Thirty,

Honey, Madame Kymara has more Botox in her than body fluids! Botox works by blocking the signal to the muscle in the area of the face in which you want to decrease lines or wrinkles. If the area is not able to contract, then it does not wrinkle. Its effects are temporary, so one must have injections approximately every six months. The important thing is to find a reputable MD or RN who has experience and a good reputation. Otherwise, you could end up looking like a bad Picasso knock-off. So far, Milo Rock maintains his youthful appearance without the use of Botox.

Love, Madame Kymara and Milo Rock
Dear Madame Kymara and Milo Rock,

How can I get my boyfriend to marry me? I keep asking him and he says no every time! I am getting upset!

Dear Desperate,

Do you know how many times we get asked this question? Our question to you is why the hell do you want to get married in the first place? As soon as they say "I do, they don't" Obviously you have never been married. If you continue to be stupid and insist on getting married, then you are going about it all wrong. If you stop asking and tell this lout that you have absolutely no interest whatsoever in marriage, guess what will happen? You will be at The local Good Will in no time searching for a big white gown and planning your reception at the Elk's Club. In about a year you will be contacting us wondering how to tell someone that you want a divorce.

Love, Madame Kymara and Milo Rock
Send your questions about sex, art, or music for Madame Kymara and Milo Rock to kymara@kymara.com. Real names will not be used to protect the innocent.