This month's column is dedicated to matters of the heart.
Since June is the month for brides, Madame Kymara is including strange wedding tales and tips for the love-lorn. Pour yourself a Kir Royale and read on....
Dear Madame Kymara,
I have been dating a man for three years. I keep thinking he will ask me to marry him, but he never has. I have become sick of waiting. A month ago, I met another man and decided to give it a chance with him. It was incredible! We hit it off from the start and now he has asked me to marry him. Neither of these men know about each other. What should I do?
~Torn in Two
Madame Kymara wonders why anyone would want to be married in the first place. Since neither of these men knows about the other's existence in your desperate to be married life, why not keep things the way they are? Continue seeing both of them. You could handle this proposal of marriage in two ways. Either accept the token of engagement if the rock is large enough, and never set a date, or, do not accept a ring and remain coy about the proposal.
Be certain to not wear the ring in the presence of beau #1.
Madame does not have enough information concerning how you could benefit from either man, but chances are you will never be without a date.
Dear Madame Kymara,
My husband wants to film me having sex with him. He says it will make things better in bed. I am not comfortable with this.
~ Rose Colored Lens
Madame Kymara has never allowed anyone to film her in compromising positions, married or otherwise. Husbands are not always forever. These things can bite one in the ass when it is least expected.
Dear Madame Kymara,
Can brides wear black?
Yes! Especially if it is the third or fourth wedding. Madame Kymara always wears black when she is the bride and white to divorce court. Works like a charm!
Dear Madame Kymara,
What is the best thing to wear for my wedding night? Do you have any suggestions of your favorite lingerie designers?
~ don't know how to wrap the package
Men couldn't care less about what one wears when one's clothing is removed. Women dress for each other. Men are for the most part oblivious to wardrobe selections. Save your money for laser hair removal.
It is the lack of wrapping that counts.
STRANGE WEDDING TALES
A cousin in Madame Kymara's family has decided to have a very large wedding. It is being held at a posh hotel on Block Island. A sumptuous repast! Amazing music! Two days of celebrating!
The catch? When one RSVPs to the wedding invitation, one must include $250.00 per person per day in the form of a check payable to the bride's mother. This does not include the gift, associated travel and wardrobe expenses or the accommodations. A new wedding trend? Weddings have become a profitable business?
Recently, Ms. Kimberly Dallesandro shared a beautiful picture taken during her remarriage to husband Joe... "A picture is worth a thousand words." No need to say more...
A perfectly polite gentleman wrote a story of his very large Staten Island Italian wedding. The affair was meticulously planned for three years by the mothers of the groom and the bride. It was held in a Staten Island style pricey catering-style hall, complete with band, DJ, and stand up comic. Since the drinks were flowing quite heavily, the parents of the bride and groom became very inebriated. The families stayed at a very nice hotel along with the newly married couple on the wedding night. When the groom went to wake his parents, he was faced with quite the embarassing situation. The mother of the bride was asleep with the father of the groom and vice versa! By the end of the year both sets of parents were divorced and remarried to each other.
Another reader tells the story of the typical large wedding being planned by the family. On the day of the occasion, all of the guests waited for the wedding to begin. The groom did not arrive, nor did the bride. Naturally, this caused quite a state of panic among the guests. It seems the bride and groom decided to elope and leave the families jilted at the altar.
MADAME KYMARA'S ROMANTIC TIPS FOR THE LOVE-LORN
If you are living in New York or somewhere close to it, Madame Kymara has found the perfect romantic spot to stage the perfect seduction. Kingston, NY located in the Hudson Valley offers two places to woo the unsuspecting.
On the premise of checking out something avant garde, bring your victim to Oo Gallery located at 324 Wall St. The walls are cleverly hung with some of the funkiest art in the in the Hudson Valley. There are no winding rivers and mountain scenes here. Instead you can impress your lover with mysterious noise machines, very unusual street art and the most Avant of the Avant Garde. Each show is cleverly titled to contain the letters oo in the main theme of the show. If you are feeling particularly adventurous, you and the object of your affection can receive matching tattoos in the back room.
Next, sashay a few doors down the street to "Elephant" an intimate wine bar offering tapas featuring local ingredients. The atmosphere sets the stage for the most powerful seduction and the menu selections feature food with aphrodisiac properties. Sipping glasses of Tomero Malbec while feeding each other olives and almonds seasoned with moorish spices or jamon and manchego toast with fig jam will most certainly sway the most reluctant lover into the arms of romance. http://www.elephantwinebar.com/home.html
It is said that the Coco de Mer coconut is one of the world's strongest aphrodisiacs. One must travel to the Seychelles to locate this elusive object. It is found only on the Praslin and Curieuse Islands and can be purchased through licensed sellers in Mahé, La Digue, and Praslin. Apparently, the shape is so sensual that looking at it creates feelings of unbridled passion. If one cannot make the trip to the Seychelles, then try visiting the fabulous erotic boutique aptly named, "Coco de Mer" which has locations in London, New York City and Los Angeles. Madame Kymara's favorite is their Ruby Sunrise Lubricant. It is a fabulous place to shop as a couple or alone and just as its namesake, the atmosphere of the store is guaranteed to cause romantic stirrings. http://www.cocodemerusa.com/
Finally, romantic cocktails and music
The Jupiter Cocktail:
1 1/2 oz. gin
3/4 oz.dry vermouth
1 teaspoon Parfait Amour
1 teaspoon orange juice
~shake in an iced cocktail shaker and strain into a chilled cocktail glass, float rose, violet or edible flower petals
Drink while listening to the throbbing blues of Stevie Cochran!
Next month, more questions, abandoned places, bondage clothing designs and sex, art music! Send questions and tips to:
Gallery Artistic Management
Happenings Kymara Music™
PO Box 1123
Kennebunkport, Maine 04046 USA